PLEASE NOTE: ALL ACTION FIGURE PRODUCT PACKAGING IS NOT IN MINT CONDITION. EXPECT COSMETIC DAMAGE TO THE PACKAGING: BENDS, CREASES, ETC.
NO REFUNDS, RETURNS, OR EXCHANGES WILL BE ACCEPTED UNLESS THE FIGURE ITSELF IS DAMAGED.
In 1985, an obscure movie studio was set to release an exciting action film called "Southpaw Cannon." On the cusp of its release, established action star Chuck Norris caught wind of this competition and threatened the studio boss. The movie went straight to Betamax. 1,000 action figure toys were produced, but never saw the shelves at Toys 'R Us. The movie and the toys disappeared from the face of the earth until...
An excavation crew digging the foundation for a new Roy Rogers at the Molly Pitcher Service Area of the New Jersey Turnpike discovered torn and tattered boxes full of an obscure action figure. They were artifacts of a forgotten movie until...
In 2010, an episode of Storage Wars featured a fierce auction of a storage bin in Metuchen, NJ that contained among many fine items, 50 cardboard boxes dusted with decades old dirt and stamped with the words "Southpaw Cannon." The lucky buyer sliced open a box and had no clue what he was staring at until...
In 2020, amidst the nostalgic rage for retro goods and vintage flea markets, an action figure appeared on a table at a flea market in the Bushwick neighborhood of New York City, the buyer was an aging DJ. The aging DJ's father was a film reviewer in the '80s for the Pine Barrens Tribune who happened to get one of the only advance screeners of "Southpaw Cannon" and watched it with his son. Father and son loved the forgotten movie. The aging DJ kindly asked the seller if he had any more of the toys. The seller replied, "Only a storage bin full of them." And then he laughed at his own dad joke. Only he wasn't a dad. But he was a dog dad.
In 2025, the aging DJ then DM'd a hip-hop artist that he had respected for some time. He let him know about one of he and his dad's favorite, yet forgotten, '80s action films and it's even-more-forgotten action figure toy. The film starred a gentleman named Boxcutter Pazzy, who looked remarkably like the hip-hop artist. As it turns out this hip-hop artist's uncle, Uncle Boxcutter, did a brief stint in Hollywood after a long career teaching at Tiger Schulmann's Martial Arts in Paramus, New Jersey. The family resemblance is striking, some might say identical.
Also in 2025, the aging DJ offered this hip-hop artist a deal, "I'll give you all of the toys in exchange for a verse for my mixtape." The hip-hop artist, Vinnie Paz, reluctantly agreed, but only if the aging DJ also delivered him a pint of chicken fried rice and crab wontons from the Panda Express at the Molly Pitcher Service Area of the New Jersey Turnpike on his way to Philadelphia.
After 40 years, and a long and winding journey home, the soon-to-be-cult-classic film, "Southpaw Cannon," and the prodigal son Boxcutter Pazzy action figure are finally here for all to enjoy.
As the marketing campaign for "Southpaw Cannon" once bellowed, "We'd sell you the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge."
CD TRACKLIST
- Intro
- Root for the Villain with ILL BILL & Kool G. Rap
- Body Bag with Big Money Lynchie
- Brothers of Zeus with Cannibal Ox, Vast Aire & Cosmiq
- Monkey Bars with Young Zee & Flu
- The Most Real with Recognize Ali & Tragedy Khadafi
- Murder Rhyme Kill with Stu Bangas & Chino XL
- When Dons Meet with Recognize Ali, Lord Goat & ILL BILL
- Verbal Assault with Mista Sinista, ILL BILL & DJ Eclipse
- Southpaw Cannon - Commercial Break
- Supreme Magnetic with ILL BILL & Lord Goat
- Still Got My Gun with Slaine, ILL BILL & The Arcitype
- Watch Your Step (Oh No Remix) with Percee P & Guilty Simpson
- Cut Ya Heart Out with Boob Bronx
- Money Money (Remix) with Eamon & Ghostface Killah
- Aus Meina Sicht with Zwara Vamummtn, Impuls, Samira, Dreia & Gouv
- Bedel with Sayedar & Illkay C.
- Bag Work with Trademark, 7L & Esoteric & Mopes
- Orchestrated Violence with F.T. Street Smartz
- You Can't Believe with Salam Wreck, ILL BILL & D.V. Alias Khryst
